Most brides enjoy the excitement of wedding planning and seeing your visions come  to life. You meet with vendors, sign contracts and all is well.  Then it happens, you must make contract changes – it may be as large as the date or location.  Or it can be as small as adding five guests to your meal count with your  caterer.

Changes made after the contract is signed are the most frequent disputes about the terms of wedding vendor contracts,  Why?  Because the parties agreed verbally on changes in a stressful atmosphere.  The bride is relieved the changes were made.  The vendor is pleased to have a happy bride.  Then they are forgotten or misunderstood and the change is not documented.  The result is there is no legal proof of what change was made and they are never done.

So, how do you protect yourself legally(and emotionally), and make sure your changes occur as you verbally agreed? It is much simpler than you think:

Insist that all contract changes are in writing.

While changes are often made verbally, and when everyone is in a rush, they still must be documented as carefully, if not more so, than the original contract.  The little details  of a change can be easily overlooked or forgotten in the hustle and bustle of planning and then remain undone on your wedding day (tears, frustration, anger).

Follow this rule of thumb:  If the items is  important/large  enough to be covered by a written contract, the same standard should be applied to any changes.

Amended Contract

Have the vendor create an amended contract, signed by all the original contract signers. It should reference the original contact, contain all the terms exactly as agreed upon in the original contract , (except the one being changed which, reflects the changes.)  Include a statement that the amended contract  supersedes the original contract.

Entire New Contract

If you are going to sign an entire new contract, make sure you compare it to the signed original before signing.  You need to verify all other terms are as you originally agreed, and the modified terms you verbally agreed to correct and  included.  Pay particular attention to any modifications made to the original contract and that they are incorporated into the new amended contract.  I know, it will take time, but you will be glad you took this extra step if any disputes occur later.

 Single Contract Changes of Terms

If the amendment only addresses the single issue that is being changed, rather than a full new contract, the amendment should state that all other terms of the original contract remain in force.

Minor  Contract Changes

For minor changes, you may send the vendor an email or text stating the change and asking  him/her to reply acknowledging and accepting the changes.  Don’t be surprised or upset if you do not get a response  Keep sending requests and making calls until you get the written acknowledgement.

Here is a sample email or text for minor changes:

You: Hi Pamela, I am confirming our earlier conversation where we agreed that you will add five additional adult meals to our contract for an additional $250.  Please confirm by return text/ email that this is correct.

Pamela.  : Yes, that is correct.  Thanks.

You have now modified your contract and confirmed the modification in writing. How easy was that!

Keep the correspondence for your records.  Make a note with your original contract of when and what modifications were made, and where you stored the documentation.

Authorized to Make Contract Changes

Make sure an individual authorized by the vendor to change your contract provides the acknowledgement to you.  Your vendor may transfer performance of the contract to an assistant once it is signed.   Then when changes are needed, the assistant (usually in good faith) agrees to them on behalf of the vendor.  These changes may not be legally binding on the vendor if teh assistant is not authorized to make changes.  Don’t assume that anyone other than a signer of original contract can make changes to it.

Fortunately, it is rare when a vendor does not stand behind commitments made by his/her staff.  When it does happen, it is a large or expensive change being disputed.  If the vendor claims he/she did not authorize the change, it may not be enforceable under the contract (a costly monetary and/or emotional mistake for you).

You can avoid any confusion, by requesting the vendor include in the original contract who, if anyone, other than the signers of the original contract can make modifications on behalf of the vendor.

Verify that who has the authority to make changes for you is included in the original contract.  The bride and groom sign most wedding contracts jointly and individually. If you do so, the contract should clearly state whether both signatures are required for a change or if either can act on the behalf of both.

Follow Up with Your  Vendors on Contract Changes

I am sure you plan to follow up with your vendors a few days before the wedding.  You will resolve any unanswered questions and  verify all the details.  This is a great time to reaffirm that any contract changes you made are incorporated into your plans as agreed.  You will relax when you know they have not been overlooked by the vendor.

Again, these seem like another bothersome detail to consume your time.  We hope there are no issues with wedding or you vendors.  Most weddings do occur with no major problems.  But on the rare occasion when you have to refer back to your contract,  you will be glad you took the time to document the details.

Legal Disclaimers

The author and Ceremonies  provided the information in this post to serve as general information and guidance. It does not constitute or serve in place of specific legal advice and does not create any attorney-client relationship. The law changes very rapidly, differs from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, and is subject to interpretation by the courts. Legal advice must be tailored to the specific circumstances of each case, and this post should not be used as a substitute for the advice of competent legal counsel.

While we only link to products and services we think you will love, some of the links on our site are monetized.  If you click on the link and make a purchase we may receive a commission, which helps us keep bringing great content to you! It will not increase the cost of  your purchase.  All opinions are our own.

Here are other articles you will enjoy:

Vendors – 8 Things Not to Say When Talking to Wedding Vendors

Conflict – 11 Ways to Resolve Conflict in Your Wedding Planning

Unplugged Bride – Focusing on Your Wedding Without Interruptions

RSVP Response – Increasing Your Response Rate

Please follow our Pinterest Boards.  We love it when you repin and follow our  boards, and share with friends.  We have included lots of ideas, tips, hacks, DIY, ceremonies, receptions and vows, and plans to make your wedding Meaningful.  Magical.  Memorable.  Visit often, we update daily.

Enjoy your wedding planning and please contact me if you have any questions.  rita@ceremoniestolove.com

I would love to see your wedding and planning pictures and will share on my blog, and Pinterest with your permission.  Email them to me.  (Please.) 

Hugs,   Rita

Much of your wedding planning time is spent meeting with and interacting with your vendors  How you work with and relate to them can have a significant impact on the bottom line of your wedding budget and your overall wedding experience. Your words can have a powerful impact on the way your vendors see you as a bride and a client. Here are some everyday phrases brides should avoid when meeting with wedding vendors – at least for the initial meeting.  Once you establish a relationship with your vendors, your conversations may take a more casual tone.

“I just…” 

Vendors think  “She will do it my way.”

Beginning a sentence with “I just…” diminishes the value of your thoughts and ideas.  It sounds like you are apologizing without actually saying “I’m sorry.” Refrain from using this phrase when you speak and especially don’t include it in your emails. If something is important enough for you to mention, then there is no “just” about it.

 “Uhh, Uhm, Like” 

Vendors say “Does she know what she wants?”

Avoid using these “filler words”.  They show a lack of confidence in your ideas and requests.    If you lace your conversations with “Uhh” or “Uhm” or even “Like” it has become a habit and probably believe it is impossible to quit. It does take time and practice, but it is worth it to shake this old habit.  Here’s how:

First, keep your sentences short.  And when you are finished talking, stop.  Don’t feel compelled to explain further or to fill silent pauses in a conversation.  Wait for a response, and give your a vendor time to think.  ( I know that period of silence will seem like it goes on forever, but it really is just a few seconds.)  You are dealing with professionals and they are prepared to ask you questions to get the information they need.  They will  also take time to reply so they can offer their best response.  Don’t assume you need to explain further unless they ask for more information.  

Second, rehearse what you plan to say before your meeting. I am not suggesting you rehearse like for a play but do rehearse to the point that you will know what you want to say. Make bullet points, and feel free to carry notes.  They show your vendors you are prepared. and ready to talk business.

Avoid distractions.  When you are talking to a vendor, give your full attention.  I know there are hundreds of details you need to handle.  Have you heard the old joke about how do you eat an elephant?  Give up?  The answer is simple – one bite at a time.  The same goes for your wedding planning – one thing at a time. Focus on your current task.

I know this will sound silly but take your hands out of your pockets when you speak.  Researchers tell us that most people who constantly say “Uhm, or like”, have their hands in their pockets when they talk.  I am not a psychologist, so I don’t know why this works, but trust me, it does.

“Is that okay?”

Vendors think – “She wants me to decide for her.”

While you want your vendors to provide insight and ideas, asking them to validate your request  makes you sound insecure, and  allows them to take an easier path.

To sound more confident, remove the question from your statements. Instead, you  say, “Let me know if you have any questions.”  Or “ I welcome your ideas and input”.  Essentially, the less inquisitive you sound, the more likely you are to have your request dreams come true.

“I’m sorry” 

Vendors think “ This is going to be easy.  She’ll do whatever I suggest. ”

Unless you’ve have  made a mistake and do owe an apology, (it’s OK, I’ve been there more often than I like to think about) there’s absolutely no reason why you need to apologize – especially for posing your ideas and plans or asking questions.

While you should show respect for your vendors’ knowledge and advice, that does not mean you shouldn’t respect your own self-worth,  and ideas. Instead of saying, “Sorry, it was just an idea”,  you can say, “Thank you for taking the time to help me understand this better (or answering my questions).”  Then follow with your own ideas.  If the vendor will no listen to your ideas at the beginning, consider how well you will work with them through the planning process. (Stress, frustration, disappointment – all come to my mind.  Sigh.)

“I hate to bother you, but…” 

Vendors think “No bother, it is your money.”

The fact is that you are not bothering the vendors.  You are seeking information about their services, and you will be paying them for what they provide.    They are not doing your a favor.  It is your money, get what you want, not just what they offer.   If it is a bother to the vendor, perhaps it is time to look elsewhere for the service.

When you imply that it is and bother or inconvenience, you giving control to the vendor and they will feel comfortable providing less instead of more or declining a request.  (After all you already told them you do  not want to inconvenience them.)

Instead, when confronted with an issue that you are not comfortable with, say “I believe we need to discuss this further.”  or “Whenever you have a few moments, I would like to discuss something with you.” These two phrases show your competence while still letting you have control in the conversation.

“If it’s alright with you …”

 Vendors think “I’m in control of this.”

If you have decided on an issue or item, and there must be a change that affects a vendor, don’t put the situation completely in their control.   This phrase gives them the opportunity to say, “It’s not alright,” when you know it must work- you have no other options.

First, be sure you know and are prepared to lay out the facts and work together to a compromise that meets everyone’s needs.

Remain calm, be prepared to discuss and reach a win-win.

Instead say “This has happened… and this is what I need you to do….” or “This has happened, and this is you will be affected…” Let’s work together to resolve this.

Hopefully, you can get it done.”

Vendors think ” I am a professional, and you don’t trust my work.”

Hopefully is not a word of positive anticipation but one of  desperation and doubt.  No matter how large or small your plans, “hopefully” shows your lack of confidence in your vendor’s ability to complete a task. If you have concerns, provide the vendor the opportunity to address them, then ask for periodic progress reports and be prepared for alter plans if necessary.  Ask your vendor for references for similar projects he/she has completed and follow up on them. When you contact references, ask not only if the project was completed satisfactorily, but any concerns the bride had during the process. If all else fails, and you really doubt the vendor’s ability, look elsewhere.  Saving a few dollars is not worth the stress and worry and a potential disappointment on your wedding day.

“I’ll try”

Vendors think “This is never going to work.”

Yes, brides should be open to try new and compromise.  So, don’t be afraid to try something different than you originally planned,  if in fact you  really are trying.  When you say, “I’ll try” ( especially with your head hung low and a long sigh) you are suggesting you aren’t willing to accept the proposal when it is completed, so it will surely fail or at best you anticipate being disappointed.

When faced with a challenging situation,  “I can do this …  or I have additional ideas on how to make this work “.

So there you have it,8 simple ways to make your vendors take you seriously as a bride and as someone who will purchase their services.   Best of luck on your planning.

I would love to hear  your thoughts and comments.

While we only link to products and services we think you will love, some of the links on our site are monetized.  If you click on the link and make a purchase we may receive a commission, which helps us keep bringing great content to you! All opinions are our own.

Other Articles You Will Like

Something Old, Something New for Your Wedding Memories

Bubbles Fun For All Ages at Your Wedding

Conflict – 11 Ways to Resolve Conflict in Your Wedding Planning

Unplugged Bride – Focusing on Your Wedding Without Interruptions

Please follow our Pinterest Boards.  We love it when you repin and follow our  boards, as well as share with friends.  We have included lots of ideas, tips, hacks, DIY, ceremonies, receptions and vows, and plans to make your wedding Meaningful.  Magical.  Memorable.  Visit often, we update daily.

Enjoy your wedding planning and please contact me if you have any questions.  rita@ceremoniestolove.com

I would love to see your wedding and planning pictures and will share on my blog, and Pinterest with your permission.  Email them to me. rita@ceremoniestolove.com (Please.) 

Hugs,   Rita

Something Borrowed

Something Borrowed signifies the support from the community of family and friends surrounding you, the bride and groom, on your wedding day and in your new life as a married couple.

The possibilities for something borrowed are nearly endless.  If you need something on your wedding day, and someone you know has one, ask if you can borrow it.  It really is that simple.

Borrowed can be anything from something very special such as your grandmother’s earrings or your mother’s pearls that she wore on her wedding day, or it could something that you just like.

Something Borrowed from Your Mother-in -Law

One special idea a bride shared with me is that on the Mother’s Day before his wedding, her groom, Adam, gave pearl earrings  (something his Mom had always wanted) to his mother thanking her for her love and support through his life and into his future life as a new husband.  For the wedding, his new bride Amy borrowed the earrings from her new-mother-in-law and explained that they were significant to her because they symbolized a lifelong dream that Adam had turned into reality, and they  represented the love Adam had for his mother and her love for  him.  It was a touching moment for everyone.  A special note was printed in the wedding programs so that everyone understood the significance of the earrings Amy wore. A new  tradition was born.

Something Borrowed – Wedding Words

As an officiant, I often get referrals from couples I have married (Thank You!) or from guests who have attended weddings where I officiated.  While I create every ceremony uniquely, I hear requests to include a certain reading that the couple particularly enjoyed at the earlier wedding.

When this happens, I recommend that they contact the prior couple and ask if they can borrow the words, and then we work to incorporate them into their vows or ceremony.  The original couple is always pleased to hear their ceremony was remembered and the new couple does not have to search for something similar (but not quite as good).

Something Old Can Be Something Borrowed too.

Take a quick peak back at the Something Old, Something New post after you finish reading this.  It is quite common for Something Old to also serve as the bride’s Something Borrowed.

Something Borrowed could be:

• Your grandmother’s wedding veil or one from anyone in your family (or friend). ( A side benefit is that veils ca be very expensive, and only worn until the reception.  Borrowing is a huge relief to your budget.)
• Your mother’s wedding dress.
• The cake knife and server from a sibling’s wedding. No one really pays attention to these items, so give your budget a tiny break and borrow them.
• Centerpiece containers or table numbers from a friend’s earlier wedding.
• Ask your maid of honor to lend you her evening clutch. You’ll need a place for makeup, cell phone, etc. ( If she does not have one, gift one to her as her bridesmaid’s gift and borrow it back.)
• Borrow one of your dad’s handkerchiefs for shedding your happy tears. (Warning: He may never want to wash it again.)
• For your first dance, borrow the song your parents danced to as their first song at their wedding. (You better  bring an extra one of dad’s handkerchiefs.  Mom is going to need it.)

If you really cannot think of something to borrow, do not stress over it.  As a wedding officiant, I have seen that most bride’s forget something or did not plan to bring something they suddenly need.  They borrow from a member of the wedding party and the tradition continues as it was meant to – with a member of your community supporting you on your wedding day.  It’s amazing how things work out!

Something Blue

Something blue is said to stand for purity, love, and fidelity in the new marriage.  Now  we know this is just an excuse to wear another gorgeous blue rock on your wedding day.  Work with me here and maybe your future husband will gift something blue to you!!

Something Blue Jewelry

There is a wide selection of wedding earrings, necklaces, bracelets and cocktail rings available for brides to choose from.   I love these sapphire earrings.   You will be surprised how reasonably they are priced.

Not Elvis’ Blue Suede Shoes

Blue shoes,  blue heels,  blue bows on your shoes, or even blue soles.  Take your pick, blue seems to be the new trend in wedding shoes.  And while you are at it, make sure you take care of your aching feet.  No one has a good time when their feet hurt.

Something Blue  – Signature Drink

How about a blue signature cocktail? There are many blue drinks available today.  If blue does not fit your wedding reception theme, you can always mix up  a batch to serve to your wedding party and family while you are having pictures taken.  How nice – a special treat for the special people in your life.

Here is one recipe that has become a huge hit at wedding receptions I attend.  You can mix as individual drinks, or save on the cost of  bartenders by making large batches and serving in a punch bowl or dispenser.  Provide plenty of ice as this best served over ice.

Something Blue Wedding Signature Drink 

1 part vodka (any brand.  Don’t waste money on the expensive stuff.)

1 part Triple Sec

1 Part Blue Curacao

Lime juice to taste (approximately juice of 1 lime per serving) I use frozen limeade concentrate when preparing this for a crowd.

Mix all together and serve over ice.  Small ice cubes work the best.  If guests like a milder drink, they can add a bit ( or a lot) of lemon lime soda (Sprite, 7Up, or store brand will all work well.)

 

Something Blue – Flowers  – In Your Bouquet – Centerpieces – Whatever Works

Ask your florist about adding tiny touches of blue to your bouquet and/or centerpieces.  There are many tiny blue  blooms available today that add just a splash of blue and coordinate with almost any color scheme.

If you are arranging your own flowers  do some research and determine what blue flowers will be in season locally at  the time of your wedding.  Then ask ahead of time if your flower provider can get them for you, or shop at your local farmers market for this tiny special touch.   (Be sure to check prices as blue flowers are still considered “exotic” in some places, which drives the price up. )

BONUS:

A Sixpence in Her Shoe

The final line of the tradition is often forgotten or overlooked.  It is the easiest one to include, and you can have personalized wedding mementos that literally cost you pennies.

A coin placed in the bride’s left (tradition says it must be the left, sorry I do not know why ) shoe is a British custom that symbolizes great wealth for the bride and her future husband.  When the coin (originally a sixpence coin) is gifted to the bride by her father, it is symbolizing his wish for the bride’s  lifelong prosperity, fertility, and love and happiness in her marriage.

While you can buy a sixpence coin online or at a coin shop, most modern brides substitute pennies or other current coins for the sixpence.

Brides often include multiple coins  representing the wedding year, the birth years of the bride and groom,  the year they met, the years their children were born, or any other special dates.

Tape the coins into the shoe and practice walking to be sure the coin(s) are comfortable.  They can also be removed between the wedding and the reception.

If you end up with multiple coins, or are wearing open shoes, you can also have the coins sewn into the hem of your wedding dress rather than carried in a shoe.

Oh, I almost forgot.  Coins sliding around in my shoe nearly drove me crazy on my wedding day. (No one told me to tape them in place. )  I had not anticipated  the sliding coins, but I was ready for a day of aching feet until  found these.  Gotta love it when you can find a product that makes you look great without aching feet!!

New Twist for Your Sixpence Tradition

Kathy and Jeff, expanded on the tradition by having Jeff carrying two coins – one for the wedding year and a second with his date of birth.  Kathy did the same with her date of birth.  At the reception, they exchanged coins as their first gifts to each other as husband and wife.  Exchanging coins is a symbol of wealth and happiness in many cultures.  Another new tradition is born.

Well, there it is.  Our version of :

I hope you have enjoyed it.  If you missed Part 1 – Somthing Old, Something New, you can read it here

Something Old, Something New for Your Wedding Memories

More Articles You Will Like:

Wedding on A Budget – 14 Ways to Save Real Money on Your Wedding

11 Questions Brides Should Ask Before Choosing the Wedding Party

Cheap Reception Foods Your Guests Will Love

How to Make Your Wedding Memorable

Guest List Planning – Mistakes to Avoid

RSVP Response – Increasing Your Response Rate

Unplugged Bride – Focusing on Your Wedding Without Interruptions

Please follow our Pinterest Boards.  We love it when you repin and follow our  boards, as well as share with friends.  We have included lots of ideas, tips, hacks, DIY, ceremonies, receptions, vows, and plans to make your wedding Meaningful.  Magical.  Memorable.  Visit often, we update daily.

Enjoy your wedding planning and please contact me if you have any questions.  rita@ceremoniestolove.com. 

I would love to see your wedding and planning pictures and will share on my blog, and Pinterest with your permission.  Email them to me.  (Please.) 

Hugs,  Rita